Love's lost but not forgotten

Ok, listen, this is my sappy spiel about love but if you don't want to hear what's been said a million times over, then don't read on.

Love hides in strange places. Sometimes when you've got it, you don't want it and when you haven't got it anymore, you want it more than anything. It's not cut and dry like the movies portray it to be - you love someone or you don't love someone. For me, at least, love happens in percentages. You love the person a lot of the time but there are times when I actually felt pure loathing toward this person. It was when the scales started tipping to the wrong side, I decided to question my purpose in the relationship. You can start to think that the person you share your life with doesn't really deserve to have the amount of affection you've been giving him and hence, begin to give less and less.

It can never be like that first month or in my case six months of a relationship. It's euphoric. Colors are more vivid. Your shoes fit better. Everything seems right.

If you spend years with the same person that person truly becomes part of you. This person shares the same memories with you and as time passes, eventually the number of memories including this person outnumbers the memories without this person. But then, what will happen when this person is ousted from your life by extreme forces? Who are you? Where is that part of you where that person once happily resided?

Panic takes over. Where am I? What do I do? Where is he, damnit? I want that piece back. What extremes can I go to find that missing part of me and how dare you take it away, whoever, whatever you are? Anger. Hatred. Clouded irrational thinking. Anguish. Heartache.

"What was the reason why I broke up with him again? I can't seem to remember. All I can remember are the good ones with him. I think I want him back but it's just too late. But is it? Maybe not. I'm going to try to get him back. But why do I want to do this? How will I do this? Wasn't I so unhappy when we were together? It doesn't matter because it's got to be better than the misery I'm feeling now. Anything to just make the pain go away." This is what I thought every minute of the day.

You need some kind of force to bring you back down to earth from this constant delirious brooding. For me, it was my friends. They reminded me why I broke up with him in the first place and it was like an extraordinary epiphany. I was instantly happy. The weight was lifted off of me and suddenly I was on cloud nine. This guy was not the right for me; they spelled it out in every way possible. I could do better. Yes, of course, I could. There are so many guys in this world and I know that I'm special. I'm different from most girls.

I now know that man who is going to truly love me and make me happy (not that I'm not perfectly content being by myself) is out there. I can't wait to meet him.