Bug Off

Living here in this beautiful apartment in the middle of a tropical paradise sitting on cliff overlooking the wide expanse of the South China Sea is what can I say, pretty nice. The house was built in 2001. It's got a solid brick construction, three bedrooms, two bathrooms, hardwood floors, nice furniture, all this situated 45 minutes from one of the biggest metropolises in the world if not Asia for not a whole lotta money.

I don't have a whole lot to complain about but, let me tell you, there are downsides to living out in the jungle. For the past few weeks, while the mercury slowly rose to summer like temperatures, so did the number of insects flying, buzzing, fluttering, creeping, crawling, ughhh yuck.

It rained on Monday. An hour after it stopped I left for my guitar lesson. What I saw on the trail down the mountain was one of the most disgusting things I had ever seen, though, not as disgusting as giant snails slithering all over the ATMs in Taipei but that's a different story. Anyway, I started walking and I saw these fluttering bugs that weren't mosquitoes, moths, nor dragonflies - I don't know what they were but there were millions of them. They were everywhere in the air and on the ground so when I stepped I couldn't avoid crushing them, they were in my hair, on my clothes in my face. What could I do? I had to go to my guitar lesson so there ended up being a lot of bug guts on the bottom of my sneakers by the time I got there. When I headed back after the lesson, they were gone, just a bunch of fat frogs left hopping about.

Yesterday, I found a centipede in my bedroom. It was dead, caught in my mosquito net. I was so distraught I couldn't even muster up enough courage to clean it up. I kept thinking about the idea of a centipede crawling all over me while I slept.

Then there are the mosquitoes. I'm one of those people who if in a crowd of a hundred people, a mosquito will zero in and aim for. It started with one or two mosquito bites a day. Then, that turned into four or five. Pretty soon all of my extremities were covered in little ichy pink bumps that kept me awake at night. I put my mosquito net up above my bed but somehow those clever little buggers found their way in. I got a mosquito racket but I hardly ever saw the bugs, they're so damn elusive. (For those of you who don't live in Asia, it's a small plastic tennis racket with metal mesh in the middle. When you push a button on the handle, electricity passes through the wire zapping anything that gets caught. It's quite satisfying to electrocute a mosquito.) Sometimes, I even thought I was spontaneously erupting red welts on my body since I never saw them. I even wore long clothes and sweat myself to death in this tropical climate of 90 degree weather. It was time for something stronger. I marched my way to Watsons and got me some of that OFF insect repellent. I was holding off because we all know that OFF contains DEET, ya know, that dangerous chemical that can cause serious damage to your nervous system. It's been know to produce muscle spasms, seizures and even blamed as the root cause of Gulf War Syndrome. I was desperate! I bought two small spray bottles of OFF for Kids. This company wouldn't be marketing something dangerous to kids, would they?

The first time I used it, the tiny liquid particles left in the air entered my nasal passages and stung hard. I started to sneeze compulsively. The good thing was I didn't get any bites after that. I continued to use it but the smell was just awful and I kept sneezing every time I used it. I had to find something else. I went to Mannings and picked up some citronella patches and some OFF lotion.

The patches worked but not very long and if a strong breeze came I was outta luck. The OFF lotion was surprisingly effective. I went to inspect the percentage of DEET in the product to compare it with the OFF spray which had 7%. (The FDA doesn't allow any product to be sold with over 30% DEET.) I couldn't find it listed. Then I looked closer and discovered that it doesn't have any at all. In fact it's made of "plant based essential oil." That's amazing!

I had to find out what it was so I turned to the internet. It's eucalyptus. Mosquitoes are naturally repelled by the scent of the tree. Not only is it a good insect repellent, it's been know to have a myriad of health benefits, like fever reducer, relief of congestion, and anxiety plus more. The synthetic chemical menthol is supposed to imitate the properties of the natural chemicals found in the eucalyptus oils. The eucalyptus tree has suddenly become my favorite plant in the world.